After the affair is known..
Once an affair is revealed, the non-offending spouse is left questioning everything. Most will readily admit that they were not perfect and they knew of issues that needed to be worked on, but will seldom justify in their mind their spouse going outside the marriage. Hurt, betrayal, and broken trust are just a few common obstacles that require navigation in the days, weeks and months to come.
After helping several couples struggle through an affair situation, I have found that there are usually three predominate responses.
- The first is that they both want to work through the infidelity and are willing to take the necessary steps to begin that process.
- The second response is that one or both are not sure if they want to continue investing in the relationship and are seriously contemplating divorce.
- The third possible response is that the one in the affair does not want to remain in the marriage and the non-offending spouse wants to desperately save the marriage.
Whichever the response may be, one fact remains the same, you must focus individually. Realizing that you cannot force change in anyone else is vital in this process.
One thing I encourage all my clients who are coming out of an affair situation to do is to:
“Get to a point that you are able to stand in front of a mirror and truly say that they have done everything in their power to make this marriage work.”
No matter the outcome, if you can make that statement your healing process will be much easier. After all, that is what the process is, a healing process. It will still be a difficult road, but you’ll find peace in knowing that you did all you could. If you can’t make that statement then your healing process will be more difficult. Such consequences may not show up right away, but will eventually surface usually in the next relationship.
If you find yourself working through an affair or suspect your spouse to be in one, please seek guidance. Being able to have a trusted confidant while you’re navigating uncharted territory can offer much needed support and encouragement.
Cornerstone Christian Counseling Services is proud to serve in the capacity that we do. We have recently added to our staff to ensure that all who call on our office are able to be seen in a timely manner. We are excited about bringing even more hope and healing to those hurting in our community, blending our Christian beliefs with our professionalism.
You are not alone. Contact our office today. 918-392-4008